Today, there was a little exchange at work between me and a guy we'll call Char. I was getting off my opening lifeguarding shift and rushing off to teach swim lessons at the other facility.
Char: Are you done after swim lessons?
Me: Huh? [I am so intelligent.]
Char: Are you double shifted, or are you done working after swim lessons?
Me, to myself: Oh no, Char, I'm not taking some afternoon shift. I'm not gonna double-shift myself voluntarily. Sorry, I can't, I have a water polo game.
Char: Do you want to come sailing with me?
Me (on automatic): Sorry, I can't, I have a water polo game.
Me (to myself): Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! The game isn't important, you'll probably forfeit anyway, and it's sailing. Not boating, sailing. Whenever Char talks about it, it sounds like tons of fun. Idiot!
Me (out loud): It sounds like sweet awesome fun though! *sees the clock* Crap! I have to hurry over to the outdoor pool.
Oh, and what a surprise, my team forfeited. My only consolation is that the weather probably made sailing a no-go anyway. Lame-sauce. Stupid autopilot.
Showing posts with label Lifeguarding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lifeguarding. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Now Hiring: Must Have People Skills
Lifeguards are supposed to be able to be polite, even when perturbed. Yeah, missing that quality. This was my Fourth of July at work. Yes, I wrote about it in third person, but I'm not using the ocelot. Yes, I was being an idiot. Warning: it's kinda long.
She walked into the lifeguard break room, drained already. Her family, wanting to take advantage of dad’s day off, had spent five hours out on the lake. It wasn’t as though it hadn’t been fun—quite the opposite, really—but five hours on the lake is five hours in the sun. The July sun. Now, why the sun, the source of all energy, found the need to drain hers was beyond grasping, but that was how things went. Now she looked forward to a further five hours in the sun. Except this bout also involved people.
Not that she had anything against most people on an individual basis. But in groups, on hot days, when she had a baby migraine, that was when people became stupid. Of course, that could be her perception. Or maybe it was just another one of those things: inexplicable, but true.
She looked through the break-room window and nearly wept. She could barely see the water for the people in it. What, had everyone decided to spend the Fourth of July outside, then come to realize it was at least 100° outside and opt for swimming? Some part of her, the part that existed in the courtroom of her mind as a defense attorney for humanity, huffed that it did make sense. But the rest of her, the prosecutor and the biased jury, didn’t listen.
Why couldn’t they all just suppose that everyone else would have the same idea, and avoid the pool for the sake of avoiding the crowd? Crowds, she had found, were the worst of it. In small groups, patrons could be managed with a firm, authoritative hand. Heck, sometimes they even learned from each other. The lifeguard told him not to do that, so I shouldn’t either. But in crowds…ugh. You got the worst of the worst, and you got it all at once. The defense attorney sighed that you probably got the best of the best while you’re at it, but who notices things like that?
What she did notice, when she went out on deck and took her place on her small plastic chair, was all the annoying people. The couples that didn’t realize they were at a public pool. The teenage boys who thought rules were for other people, and the things certainly weren’t there to keep you from causing harm to others or yourself. The hundreds of small, aquatically challenged children who managed to get away from their parents with a speed jet pilots would envy. The idiots who couldn’t grasp the concept that lap lanes were for lap swimming. The boys and girls who didn’t go to the end of the diving board before trying to do a front flip.
Peter, a high-spirited, goofy co-worker, appeared at the base of her chair. Time to rotate.
“Hey you, how’s it going?”
“I’m alive.”
That, she decided, was the best she could say.
Break time. The air conditioning caressed her sunburned skin, and she rummaged around in the cupboard for her cup. She could feel dehydration setting in. Water needed to be in her mouth within the next minute. Why couldn’t she find the blasted thing? It wasn’t like it looked like the rest of the cups. Yes, it was a cheap red plastic affair, but it was covered in permanent marker designs. She hated it when her cup looked like everybody else’s. Similarities made it hard to find.
“Where is my cup?” she wondered aloud.
“Ahaha,” said Paul. She turned to the boy on the beaten old couch. He was far taller than her, and had the grin of an imp on his lips. “I put it up there,” he pointed to some vague spot, “and Tim threw it away.”
“Gosh dangit, you idiot!” She snatched the first weapon at hand—her shoe—and hurled it Paul’s way. Surprisingly, considering her typical accuracy, it hit him square in the chest. “Why’d you go and do that?” Like he needed a reason. Paul was just mean spirited like that. He hardly treated anybody better than the ground he walked on.
Paul didn’t answer, but instead popped to his feet and gently placed her shoe on top of one of the suspended light fixtures.
“Get it down!” she shouted. Yes, she was making a scene. Yes, there were other people around. And yes, it was her own fault that Paul had a chance at her shoe in the first place. But that wasn’t the point. The point was, Paul was going to have to pay some sort of toll for being so utterly imbecilic.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Whatever, she didn’t have the patience even to argue her point. She jerked a guarding tube off the ground and climbed onto the couch. With a klutz’s care, she eventually knocked her shoe down. Of course, before she could get off the back of the couch, Paul had picked it up and was running to a different light fixture. One far from the couches.
She swung the tube at his back, getting one of the best smacking noises she’s ever heard from a tube. But that didn’t stop him from depositing her shoe high above the ground.
“Paul!” He collapsed back on the couch. She reached for his sunglasses, but he held them at an arm’s length.
“Pull his hair,” someone said. She glared at the newbie guard. Was his name Matt? What did it matter? He was a new guard, and not a particularly good one either.
“No,” she said. There were some lows that she would never reach, regardless of the blood rushing through her already pounding brain. Instead she whirled back around and threw her knuckles right beneath Paul’s ribs. “Get it down already.”
“All right, all right,” he said, pretending he was giving in to be nice. But she had felt it, that inexplicably satisfying feeling when a punch hits its mark. He threw her shoe on the floor and she returned to the cupboard. She selected an unmarked—though probably not unused—cup and wrote her name on it. If she wasn’t so thirsty, Paul would have had to answer for the cup. She kept telling herself that, trying to drown out the part of her that was hurt that she’d broken her promise.
No one was harder on her when she broke promises than she was. And she’d punched somebody. Again. Yes, it was Paul. But it was still a punch.
The cool water quenched her thirst, but it didn’t calm her temper.
Everyone was finally out of the pool and outside the gates. That is, aside from the lifeguards. They were all scrubbing the deck and mucking out the locker rooms.
She snapped the foamer onto the hose. She didn’t see why it was so hard to attach the darn thing. Anyone could do it. Except, of course, Briana. Trust her to fail to see the obvious.
“There, Briana. Now give me back my squeegee.”
With her squeegee, she resumed guiding the—ahem—disinfected, yet still quite nauseating water toward the drain. She heard a clicking sound, and she instantly looked toward the hose.
Paul—not the same Paul who had messed with her shoe, but still a Paul—stood with the foamer in his hands and started for the exit.
“No you don’t!” she bellowed. Unlike many girls her age, she actually knew how to bellow. It helped that she could sing tenor. “Put that right back on the hose!” She was brandishing her soiled squeegee, and Paul backed away with his hands up.
“I thought you were done with it.”
“I said, put it back!” Who did he think he was? Hadn’t he been nearby when, last summer, she had devised the Thou Shalt Nots of lifeguarding? Number one: Thou shalt not rotate late. But it was closely followed by: Thou shalt not steal thy neighbor’s [insert cleaning equipment here].
Paul scurried back to the hose and put the foamer down with exaggerated care.
“Hook it up!”
He did. Then she stepped away from the door and let him pass. Stupid Paul. She knew she shouldn’t think that—Paul was nice enough, even if he didn’t always think things through—but she thought it anyway. Stupid Paul.
Finally, the locker rooms were clean. Well, as clean as they were going to get without a hands-and-knees, corrosive-chemical, all-out cleaning. And she wasn’t volunteering for anything like that.She hung her squeegee in the maintenance closet and started for the door. At the threshold, however, she found her nose inches away from a dripping, putrid squeegee. Not funny. The fact that she had pulled a similar stunt only half an hour ago on Paul didn’t even cross her mind.
“Peter!” she snapped at the red-haired boy at the other end of the squeegee. He wasn’t trying to be mean, she knew quite well. On the contrary, he was trying to perk her spirits, cheer her up. He’d been trying all day, and he was having adverse effects on her already volatile disposition. “Get that thing out of my face!” Most people would have been slightly hoarse after the consistently high volume she was using, but her voice pealed.
Peter quickly twirled the squeegee out of her way and she stomped into the open.
“Somebody’s having a bad day.”
She spun around, saw Newbie Matt’s face, and stood on her toes. Matt wasn’t much taller than she was. She held her arms slightly away from her body, flexed every muscle she had, and lurched toward him. “You know what?”
Matt cringed. “I’m not gonna mess with you.” He cowered away.
That’s right, she thought. That’s right. Don’t mess. She really shouldn’t intimidate new guards like that, but somebody had to do it. Otherwise they got ideas. A voice under her anger said that shouting at everybody handed people ideas, but it was ignored.
“You know,” Briana said from behind her, “you’d make a good character for a book.”
She was certainly put-out at that point. “No, I wouldn’t. I’d be homicidal, and the rest of the cast wouldn’t exist for long. In books, you can get away with killing people!” She didn’t mean that like it sounded, but she didn’t feel like adding a clause about at least getting away from your conscience.
She felt dozens of eyes on her face, but didn’t meet any of them. Instead she started on her way to her car.
One thing was for certain: she hadn’t made any friends today.
She walked into the lifeguard break room, drained already. Her family, wanting to take advantage of dad’s day off, had spent five hours out on the lake. It wasn’t as though it hadn’t been fun—quite the opposite, really—but five hours on the lake is five hours in the sun. The July sun. Now, why the sun, the source of all energy, found the need to drain hers was beyond grasping, but that was how things went. Now she looked forward to a further five hours in the sun. Except this bout also involved people.
Not that she had anything against most people on an individual basis. But in groups, on hot days, when she had a baby migraine, that was when people became stupid. Of course, that could be her perception. Or maybe it was just another one of those things: inexplicable, but true.
She looked through the break-room window and nearly wept. She could barely see the water for the people in it. What, had everyone decided to spend the Fourth of July outside, then come to realize it was at least 100° outside and opt for swimming? Some part of her, the part that existed in the courtroom of her mind as a defense attorney for humanity, huffed that it did make sense. But the rest of her, the prosecutor and the biased jury, didn’t listen.
Why couldn’t they all just suppose that everyone else would have the same idea, and avoid the pool for the sake of avoiding the crowd? Crowds, she had found, were the worst of it. In small groups, patrons could be managed with a firm, authoritative hand. Heck, sometimes they even learned from each other. The lifeguard told him not to do that, so I shouldn’t either. But in crowds…ugh. You got the worst of the worst, and you got it all at once. The defense attorney sighed that you probably got the best of the best while you’re at it, but who notices things like that?
What she did notice, when she went out on deck and took her place on her small plastic chair, was all the annoying people. The couples that didn’t realize they were at a public pool. The teenage boys who thought rules were for other people, and the things certainly weren’t there to keep you from causing harm to others or yourself. The hundreds of small, aquatically challenged children who managed to get away from their parents with a speed jet pilots would envy. The idiots who couldn’t grasp the concept that lap lanes were for lap swimming. The boys and girls who didn’t go to the end of the diving board before trying to do a front flip.
Peter, a high-spirited, goofy co-worker, appeared at the base of her chair. Time to rotate.
“Hey you, how’s it going?”
“I’m alive.”
That, she decided, was the best she could say.
Break time. The air conditioning caressed her sunburned skin, and she rummaged around in the cupboard for her cup. She could feel dehydration setting in. Water needed to be in her mouth within the next minute. Why couldn’t she find the blasted thing? It wasn’t like it looked like the rest of the cups. Yes, it was a cheap red plastic affair, but it was covered in permanent marker designs. She hated it when her cup looked like everybody else’s. Similarities made it hard to find.
“Where is my cup?” she wondered aloud.
“Ahaha,” said Paul. She turned to the boy on the beaten old couch. He was far taller than her, and had the grin of an imp on his lips. “I put it up there,” he pointed to some vague spot, “and Tim threw it away.”
“Gosh dangit, you idiot!” She snatched the first weapon at hand—her shoe—and hurled it Paul’s way. Surprisingly, considering her typical accuracy, it hit him square in the chest. “Why’d you go and do that?” Like he needed a reason. Paul was just mean spirited like that. He hardly treated anybody better than the ground he walked on.
Paul didn’t answer, but instead popped to his feet and gently placed her shoe on top of one of the suspended light fixtures.
“Get it down!” she shouted. Yes, she was making a scene. Yes, there were other people around. And yes, it was her own fault that Paul had a chance at her shoe in the first place. But that wasn’t the point. The point was, Paul was going to have to pay some sort of toll for being so utterly imbecilic.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Whatever, she didn’t have the patience even to argue her point. She jerked a guarding tube off the ground and climbed onto the couch. With a klutz’s care, she eventually knocked her shoe down. Of course, before she could get off the back of the couch, Paul had picked it up and was running to a different light fixture. One far from the couches.
She swung the tube at his back, getting one of the best smacking noises she’s ever heard from a tube. But that didn’t stop him from depositing her shoe high above the ground.
“Paul!” He collapsed back on the couch. She reached for his sunglasses, but he held them at an arm’s length.
“Pull his hair,” someone said. She glared at the newbie guard. Was his name Matt? What did it matter? He was a new guard, and not a particularly good one either.
“No,” she said. There were some lows that she would never reach, regardless of the blood rushing through her already pounding brain. Instead she whirled back around and threw her knuckles right beneath Paul’s ribs. “Get it down already.”
“All right, all right,” he said, pretending he was giving in to be nice. But she had felt it, that inexplicably satisfying feeling when a punch hits its mark. He threw her shoe on the floor and she returned to the cupboard. She selected an unmarked—though probably not unused—cup and wrote her name on it. If she wasn’t so thirsty, Paul would have had to answer for the cup. She kept telling herself that, trying to drown out the part of her that was hurt that she’d broken her promise.
No one was harder on her when she broke promises than she was. And she’d punched somebody. Again. Yes, it was Paul. But it was still a punch.
The cool water quenched her thirst, but it didn’t calm her temper.
Everyone was finally out of the pool and outside the gates. That is, aside from the lifeguards. They were all scrubbing the deck and mucking out the locker rooms.
She snapped the foamer onto the hose. She didn’t see why it was so hard to attach the darn thing. Anyone could do it. Except, of course, Briana. Trust her to fail to see the obvious.
“There, Briana. Now give me back my squeegee.”
With her squeegee, she resumed guiding the—ahem—disinfected, yet still quite nauseating water toward the drain. She heard a clicking sound, and she instantly looked toward the hose.
Paul—not the same Paul who had messed with her shoe, but still a Paul—stood with the foamer in his hands and started for the exit.
“No you don’t!” she bellowed. Unlike many girls her age, she actually knew how to bellow. It helped that she could sing tenor. “Put that right back on the hose!” She was brandishing her soiled squeegee, and Paul backed away with his hands up.
“I thought you were done with it.”
“I said, put it back!” Who did he think he was? Hadn’t he been nearby when, last summer, she had devised the Thou Shalt Nots of lifeguarding? Number one: Thou shalt not rotate late. But it was closely followed by: Thou shalt not steal thy neighbor’s [insert cleaning equipment here].
Paul scurried back to the hose and put the foamer down with exaggerated care.
“Hook it up!”
He did. Then she stepped away from the door and let him pass. Stupid Paul. She knew she shouldn’t think that—Paul was nice enough, even if he didn’t always think things through—but she thought it anyway. Stupid Paul.
Finally, the locker rooms were clean. Well, as clean as they were going to get without a hands-and-knees, corrosive-chemical, all-out cleaning. And she wasn’t volunteering for anything like that.She hung her squeegee in the maintenance closet and started for the door. At the threshold, however, she found her nose inches away from a dripping, putrid squeegee. Not funny. The fact that she had pulled a similar stunt only half an hour ago on Paul didn’t even cross her mind.
“Peter!” she snapped at the red-haired boy at the other end of the squeegee. He wasn’t trying to be mean, she knew quite well. On the contrary, he was trying to perk her spirits, cheer her up. He’d been trying all day, and he was having adverse effects on her already volatile disposition. “Get that thing out of my face!” Most people would have been slightly hoarse after the consistently high volume she was using, but her voice pealed.
Peter quickly twirled the squeegee out of her way and she stomped into the open.
“Somebody’s having a bad day.”
She spun around, saw Newbie Matt’s face, and stood on her toes. Matt wasn’t much taller than she was. She held her arms slightly away from her body, flexed every muscle she had, and lurched toward him. “You know what?”
Matt cringed. “I’m not gonna mess with you.” He cowered away.
That’s right, she thought. That’s right. Don’t mess. She really shouldn’t intimidate new guards like that, but somebody had to do it. Otherwise they got ideas. A voice under her anger said that shouting at everybody handed people ideas, but it was ignored.
“You know,” Briana said from behind her, “you’d make a good character for a book.”
She was certainly put-out at that point. “No, I wouldn’t. I’d be homicidal, and the rest of the cast wouldn’t exist for long. In books, you can get away with killing people!” She didn’t mean that like it sounded, but she didn’t feel like adding a clause about at least getting away from your conscience.
She felt dozens of eyes on her face, but didn’t meet any of them. Instead she started on her way to her car.
One thing was for certain: she hadn’t made any friends today.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Flipping Out
A telling from Friday, delayed until Monday, after it was fancied up on Sunday. Do tell me what you think of the actual writing. It might be useful for random contests that I don't want to actually WRITE anything for, but I want to enter anyway. :D And yes, I realize that the tricks listed in this piece are not difficult on the grand scale of things, but for me, these were huge accomplishments.
I have never been one for excessive daring. True, roller coasters enthrall me to no end, but that is usually where my search for bigger thrills ends. The times are rare that I strive to force adrenaline into my system through stunts.
But somehow, staff parties at the swimming pool can change a person.
As a lifeguard, I know the reason for every rule at the pool, and I therefore know the way to break each without dying or causing serious injury. After breaking all the rules I could think of, I turned to more docile entertainment: tricks off the diving board. My repertoire was small, and the most difficult trick was a pike dive—on a good day.
But if anything can change a person more than a staff party, it’s a challenge.
Usually I will cede the spotlight when it comes to stunts. Challenge me to a race, and I’ll jump to the starting line. Challenge me to a game, and I’ll be the first to learn the rules and find the loopholes. But I’m not an acrobat, and I won’t claim to be.
Somehow, that inhibition melted when I saw that Jared, the coworker that started the challenge, had the limit of a pike dive as well. After that, it was all just a matter of guts. I suppose that’s why I accepted the challenge.
Through some manner of masochistic stupidity, I mentioned that once my mom had done a back dive off the board and I had been unable to follow suit, much to my eternal shame. Jared immediately grasped the weakness and pulled off the back dive, raising his eyebrows. Hello, gauntlet. How I do wish people would not abuse you with such frequent throwing.
“You work on that flip of yours and I’ll get back to you,” I said. His front flip was more of a mutated upside-down twist, so while he hammered out a straighter variation, I practiced backbends off the side of the pool. No one would ever know that I had once been a gymnast for a six-year span.
The next obstacle was the fact that the board was much farther from the water than the wall was. After several minutes of psychological anguish and a bout of clinging to the board in a most pitiful crouch, I managed to throw my hands back and follow them into the pool.
So, of course, I had to do it again after I matched Jared’s front flip. The second swing at the dive resulted in a heinous over-rotation, and I slapped my legs on the water.
“Just a bit farther,” Jared mocked, “and you’ll have a back flip.”
“Then I’ll raise you to that.” Curse my unfettered mouth.
Jared had never done a back flip either, but for some reason I was not the first to try it. I was grateful for the lapse in gentlemanly procedure; “ladies first” was a rule that could keep itself away from such trials.
“This is all just self-inflicted torment,” I laughed when he scrunched his face again at the end of the board. Every time he got close to jumping, his facial features would collapse into an image of agony.
“I know,” he said.
“What can happen? We both know you won’t hit the board, so what’s left? A back-flop? It’s just water.” Despite the competition, I wanted to be an encouraging friend. I’m sure I sounded encouraging too, but that didn’t mean I believed anything I was saying. I had drawn my line at the back dive. Jared could beat me out, I had decided, and I would find a way to heal the wounded ego. Better than a wounded head.
“You’re right.” Jared’s next almost-attempt got so close that he had actually bent his knees to jump. He opened his eyes and stabbed a finger at me. “If I do it, do you promise to do it too?”
A moment’s hesitation, then a pained, “I promise.” Reason shrieked at me, but my mouth had outrun it and I was committed. Promises are sacred, especially death pacts.
Jared closed his eyes again and started to think about going through with the back flip. My encouraging words had dried up. I wouldn’t stop him, but fire would burn cold before I helped him.
Seven minutes later—I insisted on keeping time—Jared jumped into a nearly perfect back flip.
If I were one to swear, I can conjure several words that would have left my mouth, none of them particularly pleasant.
I paced to the edge of the board and hung my heels over the end. If I let myself think, it would never happen. A promise was a promise. One, two, three.
What? Lady Cynicism, are you yet living?
Yes, yes I am. But I must say that I was disappointed. The first moment, that leap, that flinging of one’s self into nothingness—that was terrifying. But after that, everything was expected, and occurred without a thought or fear, and the water cradled my fall.
There might be something to that.
I have never been one for excessive daring. True, roller coasters enthrall me to no end, but that is usually where my search for bigger thrills ends. The times are rare that I strive to force adrenaline into my system through stunts.
But somehow, staff parties at the swimming pool can change a person.
As a lifeguard, I know the reason for every rule at the pool, and I therefore know the way to break each without dying or causing serious injury. After breaking all the rules I could think of, I turned to more docile entertainment: tricks off the diving board. My repertoire was small, and the most difficult trick was a pike dive—on a good day.
But if anything can change a person more than a staff party, it’s a challenge.
Usually I will cede the spotlight when it comes to stunts. Challenge me to a race, and I’ll jump to the starting line. Challenge me to a game, and I’ll be the first to learn the rules and find the loopholes. But I’m not an acrobat, and I won’t claim to be.
Somehow, that inhibition melted when I saw that Jared, the coworker that started the challenge, had the limit of a pike dive as well. After that, it was all just a matter of guts. I suppose that’s why I accepted the challenge.
Through some manner of masochistic stupidity, I mentioned that once my mom had done a back dive off the board and I had been unable to follow suit, much to my eternal shame. Jared immediately grasped the weakness and pulled off the back dive, raising his eyebrows. Hello, gauntlet. How I do wish people would not abuse you with such frequent throwing.
“You work on that flip of yours and I’ll get back to you,” I said. His front flip was more of a mutated upside-down twist, so while he hammered out a straighter variation, I practiced backbends off the side of the pool. No one would ever know that I had once been a gymnast for a six-year span.
The next obstacle was the fact that the board was much farther from the water than the wall was. After several minutes of psychological anguish and a bout of clinging to the board in a most pitiful crouch, I managed to throw my hands back and follow them into the pool.
So, of course, I had to do it again after I matched Jared’s front flip. The second swing at the dive resulted in a heinous over-rotation, and I slapped my legs on the water.
“Just a bit farther,” Jared mocked, “and you’ll have a back flip.”
“Then I’ll raise you to that.” Curse my unfettered mouth.
Jared had never done a back flip either, but for some reason I was not the first to try it. I was grateful for the lapse in gentlemanly procedure; “ladies first” was a rule that could keep itself away from such trials.
“This is all just self-inflicted torment,” I laughed when he scrunched his face again at the end of the board. Every time he got close to jumping, his facial features would collapse into an image of agony.
“I know,” he said.
“What can happen? We both know you won’t hit the board, so what’s left? A back-flop? It’s just water.” Despite the competition, I wanted to be an encouraging friend. I’m sure I sounded encouraging too, but that didn’t mean I believed anything I was saying. I had drawn my line at the back dive. Jared could beat me out, I had decided, and I would find a way to heal the wounded ego. Better than a wounded head.
“You’re right.” Jared’s next almost-attempt got so close that he had actually bent his knees to jump. He opened his eyes and stabbed a finger at me. “If I do it, do you promise to do it too?”
A moment’s hesitation, then a pained, “I promise.” Reason shrieked at me, but my mouth had outrun it and I was committed. Promises are sacred, especially death pacts.
Jared closed his eyes again and started to think about going through with the back flip. My encouraging words had dried up. I wouldn’t stop him, but fire would burn cold before I helped him.
Seven minutes later—I insisted on keeping time—Jared jumped into a nearly perfect back flip.
If I were one to swear, I can conjure several words that would have left my mouth, none of them particularly pleasant.
I paced to the edge of the board and hung my heels over the end. If I let myself think, it would never happen. A promise was a promise. One, two, three.
What? Lady Cynicism, are you yet living?
Yes, yes I am. But I must say that I was disappointed. The first moment, that leap, that flinging of one’s self into nothingness—that was terrifying. But after that, everything was expected, and occurred without a thought or fear, and the water cradled my fall.
There might be something to that.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Broken
I'm in the last chapter (chapter "Broken", FYI). Two more have died in this chapter, and at the end of chapter "Sacrifice" I killed one more (have I mentioned that Ciria is dead yet? She is). Right now Maric is suffering from the loss of two loved ones and another close acquaintence, the most immense, total muscle pain that could ever be imagined, and skin that hurts so bad that he would rather enjoy it if all of it fell off. But that's okay, because soon the last two will disappear. I'm so close I can taste it. *licks her outlines* Yes, precious, nearly there.
In other news, today I wrestled with a slimy, moldy, evil hose that saw fit to attack me with soiled water and its own mildewy self. Ewwwww. I hates it, I do.
In other news, today I wrestled with a slimy, moldy, evil hose that saw fit to attack me with soiled water and its own mildewy self. Ewwwww. I hates it, I do.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Lifeguard Insanity X
As a head lifeguard, I often feel like I'm babysitting. And I'm not just talking about the patrons.
The leopard seal. What more can I say? Well, to Amaya I could explain who the leopard seal is, but that would take effort. Mix the leopard seal with a fellow that I believe I gave the pseudonym Mike and you get a heinous mixture.
The first signs were at the first closing of the day. Mike sprayed the seal with a hose, the seal retaliated by splashing him with semi-squeegeed water and stealing the hose. What followed after was a ten-minute water fight that I had to try to contain before we could finish cleaning. Ridiculous. Because of their horsing around, we only had two squeegees. Therefore, their punishment was that they had to get all the water in the girls' locker room down the drains. Alone.
The goings-on during the party were, I'll admit, entertaining. Also, I must accept some responsibility because, in a lapse of thought, I put them next to each other in the rotation. However, we were guarding handicapped people that tended to need more watching than other people. So, while I found their tube-fighting humorous, I also had to attempt to keep them contained, even if there were only three people in their combined areas. Then, they began to get me involved in the actual fighting. Mike insisted on making sure I saw every time that the seal hit him and he plead with me to do something about it. Then, after a while, the seal tried to talk to me but I couldn't hear him over the roar of the water. I cupped my ear; he called again. I still couldn't hear so I cupped my ear again. It reminded me of a dog, so I started "scratching" my ear like a dog. The seal mimicked me and Mike immediately started shouting, "That's cheating; you can't flirt! Flirting is cheating." I think the seal tried to protest, because Mike was soon responding, "I don't know about you, but I saw flirting."
Hilarious.
They then, somehow, started a contest on who could make me laugh first in between the times when they were whacking each other. Mike failed, because he tried to make me laugh by using his whistle in a way that tends to make me angry. The seal, on the other hand, waited until we were close enough in the rotation to talk and then we discussed this and that and he got me to laugh. All the while Mike was using his whistle infuriatingly. I didn't know about the contest until afterwards. Those two are odd ducks. Or whatever.
Things I learned today:
-The seal is supposedly not afraid of anything and he would very much like to be a canine officer. If he were to stop aging, he would like to stop aging at 18.
-I have a coworker that is deathly afraid of dogs. She would like to stop aging at 22.
-I have a coworker that is deathly afraid of spiders. Aging stop at 21.
-Never, EVER let the seal and Mike be next to each other in the rotation again.
The leopard seal. What more can I say? Well, to Amaya I could explain who the leopard seal is, but that would take effort. Mix the leopard seal with a fellow that I believe I gave the pseudonym Mike and you get a heinous mixture.
The first signs were at the first closing of the day. Mike sprayed the seal with a hose, the seal retaliated by splashing him with semi-squeegeed water and stealing the hose. What followed after was a ten-minute water fight that I had to try to contain before we could finish cleaning. Ridiculous. Because of their horsing around, we only had two squeegees. Therefore, their punishment was that they had to get all the water in the girls' locker room down the drains. Alone.
The goings-on during the party were, I'll admit, entertaining. Also, I must accept some responsibility because, in a lapse of thought, I put them next to each other in the rotation. However, we were guarding handicapped people that tended to need more watching than other people. So, while I found their tube-fighting humorous, I also had to attempt to keep them contained, even if there were only three people in their combined areas. Then, they began to get me involved in the actual fighting. Mike insisted on making sure I saw every time that the seal hit him and he plead with me to do something about it. Then, after a while, the seal tried to talk to me but I couldn't hear him over the roar of the water. I cupped my ear; he called again. I still couldn't hear so I cupped my ear again. It reminded me of a dog, so I started "scratching" my ear like a dog. The seal mimicked me and Mike immediately started shouting, "That's cheating; you can't flirt! Flirting is cheating." I think the seal tried to protest, because Mike was soon responding, "I don't know about you, but I saw flirting."
Hilarious.
They then, somehow, started a contest on who could make me laugh first in between the times when they were whacking each other. Mike failed, because he tried to make me laugh by using his whistle in a way that tends to make me angry. The seal, on the other hand, waited until we were close enough in the rotation to talk and then we discussed this and that and he got me to laugh. All the while Mike was using his whistle infuriatingly. I didn't know about the contest until afterwards. Those two are odd ducks. Or whatever.
Things I learned today:
-The seal is supposedly not afraid of anything and he would very much like to be a canine officer. If he were to stop aging, he would like to stop aging at 18.
-I have a coworker that is deathly afraid of dogs. She would like to stop aging at 22.
-I have a coworker that is deathly afraid of spiders. Aging stop at 21.
-Never, EVER let the seal and Mike be next to each other in the rotation again.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Lifeguarding, Scene 1
Allow me to introduce you to a humorous dialogue from work. Nothing else happened today...
Scene I
[Scene: SCERA pool, Ocelot pacing the edge, looking intently at the five people populating the water.]
[Enter Mark the Supervisor]
Mark [approaching Ocelot]: I am strongly under the suspicion that the party isn't going to show tonight.
Ocelot [not turning from the water]: Uh-huh.
Mark: I mean, I don't have a deposit, paperwork, why do I feel so tall?
Ocelot [caught off guard]: Uh, 'cause I'm short?
Mark: I'm dwarfing you!
Ocelot: Yup.
Mark [seeming to remember himself]: But not 'cause you're short, or anything... Anyway, close as if there was no party coming, all right?
Ocelot: 'Kay. [Exunt Mark, stage left] I still think it's 'cause I'm short.
[shrugs. Exunt, stage right]
Scene I
[Scene: SCERA pool, Ocelot pacing the edge, looking intently at the five people populating the water.]
[Enter Mark the Supervisor]
Mark [approaching Ocelot]: I am strongly under the suspicion that the party isn't going to show tonight.
Ocelot [not turning from the water]: Uh-huh.
Mark: I mean, I don't have a deposit, paperwork, why do I feel so tall?
Ocelot [caught off guard]: Uh, 'cause I'm short?
Mark: I'm dwarfing you!
Ocelot: Yup.
Mark [seeming to remember himself]: But not 'cause you're short, or anything... Anyway, close as if there was no party coming, all right?
Ocelot: 'Kay. [Exunt Mark, stage left] I still think it's 'cause I'm short.
[shrugs. Exunt, stage right]
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Awkward...
is a weird word to spell. And it is what all these "is he your boyfriend" type questions are like. If I wasn't the kind of person who bursted out laughing at such things, I would have issues. Today it was more in the form of "how long have you been dating?" but it was still really weird. The very thought made me simultaneously chuckle and cringe. Pwetty weiwd. Considering that the last such question was only eight days ago makes it even more awkward (that word is utterly absurd, once again). And there we go; that was more or less my day. The rest of it was lifeguard boredom, as per usual. And lifeguard insanity, but not too much...
Well, not more than you would expect when you set all the lifeguards loose with only three rules keeping them in check. Tube rafts down the twisty slide! Triple chicken wars! Dive boarding to the max! *runs away and goes to bed*
Well, not more than you would expect when you set all the lifeguards loose with only three rules keeping them in check. Tube rafts down the twisty slide! Triple chicken wars! Dive boarding to the max! *runs away and goes to bed*
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Lifeguard Insanity IX
Yes, that's a nine.
Today it was cloudy, in case y'all didn't know, so there were precious few people at the pool. To fill our lack of patrons to watch, the lifeguards all went cwazy. I started by trying to see how many polyatomic ions I could remember. I got stuck on thiocyanate (which I now know to be SCN-) and was still trying to remember it while Danny, the lifeguard rotating behind me, had me switch positions. He asked me what I was muttering about and to make a long story short, we started quizzing each other on random chemistry facts. This comes back later.
So then me and this girl Kelly ended up next to each other (still on separate pools, but there was no one to watch) so we talked. We started with how the shift coordinator has it in for us and this other girl because we three are the closing head guards nearly this entire week. We somehow moved on to random games played with friends and I got some fun ideas. We also saw lightning, but it was too far away for it to affect us.
An hour after Kelly and I had spotted the lightning and had been keeping close tabs on it, Danny noticed it. By this point we had run out of chemistry trivia and had moved on to history. But that's not relevant yet. The point is that every time he would see lightning, he'd do this annoying chirp through his whistle that drove me and Kelly insane. I hit him with my tube (rather harder than I ever have, I must admit) and told him to stop it. I had asked nicely before, but I only have so much patience. He then asked me a string of founding father questions that I couldn't hope to answer. When he told me he only got up to about the Civil War in his history class, I started asking CW questions as well as WWI and WWII questions. Etc.
So in the after hours party, it was so empty that Danny and I stopped waiting till rotating time to quiz each other. We just started yelling across the pool. We got a lot done too. But in the time that we weren't shouting questions or mocking each other for answering incorrectly, he was still chirping! After a half hour of this and several times of whacking him with my shoe, I decided to stop flipping out and start plotting revenge.
After the party we spot-cleaned the locker rooms. This means that we didn't get the hose out and we didn't mop them again. We just got a bucket of water to splosh the dirt and then squeegeed (sp?) it all down the drains. I placed myself in charge of the bucket; I'm a head guard, I can do that sort of thing. Once we were finished and we had exitted the locker room, Danny turned his back and I dumped 2/3 of a bucket of icy water on his head. He was upset, but it was payback and I had Kelly behind me on the fact that he deserved it.
And that was my day. Actually, I went biking earlier in the day and that was great fun. I made it up the Hogi Yogi hill without passing out or walking my bike! Joy to the world, all the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea; joy to you and me!
Today it was cloudy, in case y'all didn't know, so there were precious few people at the pool. To fill our lack of patrons to watch, the lifeguards all went cwazy. I started by trying to see how many polyatomic ions I could remember. I got stuck on thiocyanate (which I now know to be SCN-) and was still trying to remember it while Danny, the lifeguard rotating behind me, had me switch positions. He asked me what I was muttering about and to make a long story short, we started quizzing each other on random chemistry facts. This comes back later.
So then me and this girl Kelly ended up next to each other (still on separate pools, but there was no one to watch) so we talked. We started with how the shift coordinator has it in for us and this other girl because we three are the closing head guards nearly this entire week. We somehow moved on to random games played with friends and I got some fun ideas. We also saw lightning, but it was too far away for it to affect us.
An hour after Kelly and I had spotted the lightning and had been keeping close tabs on it, Danny noticed it. By this point we had run out of chemistry trivia and had moved on to history. But that's not relevant yet. The point is that every time he would see lightning, he'd do this annoying chirp through his whistle that drove me and Kelly insane. I hit him with my tube (rather harder than I ever have, I must admit) and told him to stop it. I had asked nicely before, but I only have so much patience. He then asked me a string of founding father questions that I couldn't hope to answer. When he told me he only got up to about the Civil War in his history class, I started asking CW questions as well as WWI and WWII questions. Etc.
So in the after hours party, it was so empty that Danny and I stopped waiting till rotating time to quiz each other. We just started yelling across the pool. We got a lot done too. But in the time that we weren't shouting questions or mocking each other for answering incorrectly, he was still chirping! After a half hour of this and several times of whacking him with my shoe, I decided to stop flipping out and start plotting revenge.
After the party we spot-cleaned the locker rooms. This means that we didn't get the hose out and we didn't mop them again. We just got a bucket of water to splosh the dirt and then squeegeed (sp?) it all down the drains. I placed myself in charge of the bucket; I'm a head guard, I can do that sort of thing. Once we were finished and we had exitted the locker room, Danny turned his back and I dumped 2/3 of a bucket of icy water on his head. He was upset, but it was payback and I had Kelly behind me on the fact that he deserved it.
And that was my day. Actually, I went biking earlier in the day and that was great fun. I made it up the Hogi Yogi hill without passing out or walking my bike! Joy to the world, all the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea; joy to you and me!
Friday, August 05, 2005
Lifeguard Insanity VIII
Some of you may remember the Roasted Toad post. Some of you may not. Either way I just realized that it doesn't matter.
Anyway, today at work the toad was on my pool. He was in one of his tolerable moods, so I was able to torment him for a while to entertain myself. However, later on in the night, his mere presence aroused such humor that I could barely contain my amusement. Come to think of it, I didn't.
So, it was the last fifteen minutes of general public hours and both of us were roving around the current channel in the slide pool. He had been in the water and the wind was blowing so he had one of our lifeguard jackets on. I was too wimpy to get in the water, but I'm a head guard so I can erase the necessity to get in the water. Back on track, several young (when I say young, I mean young) girls were going around the channel and called the toad a sissy. I had to agree. So did he. So the little girls teasing him on that account only lasted a short while. They sure were loud about it though. Ah well, on with the tale. Shortly thereafter, they went on a crusade to discover his name. Both of us being greatly entertained, we told them things like Scott, Matt, and (shamefully) Fredrika. The last one gave away the fact that we weren't telling the truth. After they were told that it started with a J we fed them names like Jeremiah, Jared, Jason, and Jack. The girls were muy confused and so proceeded to ranting about us being liars. "You LIED to us! I can't believe it! You LIARS!" It was quite entertaining. Then they asked if he was my boyfriend. I had to get him to watch my water because I was laughing so hard. I couldn't stand for my laughter. Then I told him what I was laughing about and I had to watch his water so he could laugh it off as well.
After we closed and the gals on my pool were in the locker rooms trying to scare all the ladies out, we overheard the girls dicussing that they thought the toad was very cute. You must realize that some of these girls were like eight. Once we shooed them out of the facility, we guarded a party. Nothing cool happened in that party. Then we guarded another one. Here's where it gets funnier (okay, so maybe this isn't all that entertaining to you folks, but to bored lifeguards, this is what we die for!).
Near the end no one was in our pool except for the folks going down the slides. Then two girls decided to go around the channel after riding. Me and another of the gal guards overheard them talking. The toad had been at the top of the slide. I now quote their words:
"Did you hear how he told me to go? He used a sexy voice!"
"He's so hot!"
Insert fits of girly giggles.
Now, these girls couldn't have been older than nine, if that. Like, I think that's stretching it. It's a good thing I was already sitting down, because otherwise I probably would have split my head open during my full-body laughter.
When we were once again cleaning the locker rooms, we told the toad of the latest infatuation he had caused and awarded him the "Most Attractive to Females Under the Age of Nine" award. And that was probably the highlight of my week, right there. Hilarious I tell you!
Anyway, today at work the toad was on my pool. He was in one of his tolerable moods, so I was able to torment him for a while to entertain myself. However, later on in the night, his mere presence aroused such humor that I could barely contain my amusement. Come to think of it, I didn't.
So, it was the last fifteen minutes of general public hours and both of us were roving around the current channel in the slide pool. He had been in the water and the wind was blowing so he had one of our lifeguard jackets on. I was too wimpy to get in the water, but I'm a head guard so I can erase the necessity to get in the water. Back on track, several young (when I say young, I mean young) girls were going around the channel and called the toad a sissy. I had to agree. So did he. So the little girls teasing him on that account only lasted a short while. They sure were loud about it though. Ah well, on with the tale. Shortly thereafter, they went on a crusade to discover his name. Both of us being greatly entertained, we told them things like Scott, Matt, and (shamefully) Fredrika. The last one gave away the fact that we weren't telling the truth. After they were told that it started with a J we fed them names like Jeremiah, Jared, Jason, and Jack. The girls were muy confused and so proceeded to ranting about us being liars. "You LIED to us! I can't believe it! You LIARS!" It was quite entertaining. Then they asked if he was my boyfriend. I had to get him to watch my water because I was laughing so hard. I couldn't stand for my laughter. Then I told him what I was laughing about and I had to watch his water so he could laugh it off as well.
After we closed and the gals on my pool were in the locker rooms trying to scare all the ladies out, we overheard the girls dicussing that they thought the toad was very cute. You must realize that some of these girls were like eight. Once we shooed them out of the facility, we guarded a party. Nothing cool happened in that party. Then we guarded another one. Here's where it gets funnier (okay, so maybe this isn't all that entertaining to you folks, but to bored lifeguards, this is what we die for!).
Near the end no one was in our pool except for the folks going down the slides. Then two girls decided to go around the channel after riding. Me and another of the gal guards overheard them talking. The toad had been at the top of the slide. I now quote their words:
"Did you hear how he told me to go? He used a sexy voice!"
"He's so hot!"
Insert fits of girly giggles.
Now, these girls couldn't have been older than nine, if that. Like, I think that's stretching it. It's a good thing I was already sitting down, because otherwise I probably would have split my head open during my full-body laughter.
When we were once again cleaning the locker rooms, we told the toad of the latest infatuation he had caused and awarded him the "Most Attractive to Females Under the Age of Nine" award. And that was probably the highlight of my week, right there. Hilarious I tell you!
Friday, July 29, 2005
Aftermath of Visitations
So this is pretty much about my day at work, but today didn't qualify as a Lifeguard Insanity day.
The ocelot raced to the crest of the final hill before she reached the river. After she had topped it and had begun her descent, she overreached her stride and fell in a tumbled heap the rest of the way. Finally gripping the ground as it leveled out, she skidded to a halt at the feet of the head patroller. Grinning sheepishly, she rushed out to her post.
She had almost been late. Not quite, but almost. Even coming close to doing such a thing had given the cat's heart quite a stir. [yes, pathetic, but true; I have yet to be late to work, and being late it a huge deal down at the pool] Normally she was at the river quite in advance, but today had been a bit different.
Earlier, she had gone to visit the malamute with the bluebird. The dog was in a grove where injured animals went to recooperate. He had hurt his head horrendously [do you see that unintentional alliteration? Bow before the Alliteration Queen!] when he had fallen from a boulder and slid down a rocky landscape [yeah, so that's nowhere close; I'm trying to hury through this!]. He was doing quite well, considering the injuries he had sustained. However, the ocelot had lost track of time during the visit and had soon gotten quite behind her schedule. Now, disheveled and somewhat out of breath, she parked herself and the top of the bank where many animals enjoyed sliding down into the water.
After having wandered along the bank for some time watching the visitors at the river, a small gnat darted into the ocelot's eye. She continued moving in a hop-along fashion while using one paw to extricate the irritating insect. Just as the remains of the bug were removed, the ocelot was suddenly no longer on solid ground. Her paws grasped at empty air for the barest of moments before she was slipping in the mud of the bank and crashing into the shallows. A nearby patroller nearly burst with laughter and, after assessing the absurdity of her situation, the ocelot joined her. She rolled playfully once in the shallows before resuming her position sopping wet.
The sun set without anything eventful occuring beyond the usual idiot visitors that tried to get themselves killed. The ocelot was in a rather pleasant mood, actually. Nothing had gone terribly wrong and the weather was kind. But while all the patrollers were taking a short break from their labors, the ocelot felt something pounce on her back. Hissing and yowling, the ocelot spun around, fruitlessly attempting to erradicate her attacker.
The mole had leapt on her from behind. He tumbled away chuckling to himself. The ocelot rather wanted to show him her claws' sense of humor, but she thought better of it. Outwardly shrugging off her indignation, she tried to regain her former giddy mood.
Okay, so that was NOT the best example of my writing skills, but that's all right, right? If it isn't, it doesn't quite matter to me anyway. But today was pretty amusing. I fell in, much to the amusement of my co-workers, and I am obviously not sick because when the mole tried to pick me up from behind I flipped out and greatly desired to cause him physical injury.
The ocelot raced to the crest of the final hill before she reached the river. After she had topped it and had begun her descent, she overreached her stride and fell in a tumbled heap the rest of the way. Finally gripping the ground as it leveled out, she skidded to a halt at the feet of the head patroller. Grinning sheepishly, she rushed out to her post.
She had almost been late. Not quite, but almost. Even coming close to doing such a thing had given the cat's heart quite a stir. [yes, pathetic, but true; I have yet to be late to work, and being late it a huge deal down at the pool] Normally she was at the river quite in advance, but today had been a bit different.
Earlier, she had gone to visit the malamute with the bluebird. The dog was in a grove where injured animals went to recooperate. He had hurt his head horrendously [do you see that unintentional alliteration? Bow before the Alliteration Queen!] when he had fallen from a boulder and slid down a rocky landscape [yeah, so that's nowhere close; I'm trying to hury through this!]. He was doing quite well, considering the injuries he had sustained. However, the ocelot had lost track of time during the visit and had soon gotten quite behind her schedule. Now, disheveled and somewhat out of breath, she parked herself and the top of the bank where many animals enjoyed sliding down into the water.
After having wandered along the bank for some time watching the visitors at the river, a small gnat darted into the ocelot's eye. She continued moving in a hop-along fashion while using one paw to extricate the irritating insect. Just as the remains of the bug were removed, the ocelot was suddenly no longer on solid ground. Her paws grasped at empty air for the barest of moments before she was slipping in the mud of the bank and crashing into the shallows. A nearby patroller nearly burst with laughter and, after assessing the absurdity of her situation, the ocelot joined her. She rolled playfully once in the shallows before resuming her position sopping wet.
The sun set without anything eventful occuring beyond the usual idiot visitors that tried to get themselves killed. The ocelot was in a rather pleasant mood, actually. Nothing had gone terribly wrong and the weather was kind. But while all the patrollers were taking a short break from their labors, the ocelot felt something pounce on her back. Hissing and yowling, the ocelot spun around, fruitlessly attempting to erradicate her attacker.
The mole had leapt on her from behind. He tumbled away chuckling to himself. The ocelot rather wanted to show him her claws' sense of humor, but she thought better of it. Outwardly shrugging off her indignation, she tried to regain her former giddy mood.
Okay, so that was NOT the best example of my writing skills, but that's all right, right? If it isn't, it doesn't quite matter to me anyway. But today was pretty amusing. I fell in, much to the amusement of my co-workers, and I am obviously not sick because when the mole tried to pick me up from behind I flipped out and greatly desired to cause him physical injury.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Lifeguard Apathy 1.0
So, today I feel extremely bleh and bleher. It is way too hot and it has been since 8:30. I don't really care about all that much right now. To illustrate the extent of my weariness, I will share a happening at work today. As head guard, I have the responsiblity to assign guards where to go when they first come on the shift. As I was doing this, my tone was flat, I was slouching worse than usual, and I had a general tired look on my face. One of the guards was feeling a bit more perky and sympathetic. So, he slung my arm over his shoulders, scooped me up, and walked around to the concessions area. Upon reaching the horizontal freezer, he asked if anyone would open it, but no one would, so he just dropped me on top of it. All this he did without a word from my lips, without a twitch from my muscles. And after he had put me down I sat there for a couple of minutes until I decided it was time to rotate again. Now all of you that know me well think I'm deathly ill, but I promise I'm not. There's just a severe lack of enthusiasm and dislike for the sun/heat. I should go vampire and hide away in my basement. If only I didn't work outside. And guess what. I have to go back to work in approximately two hours. Oh goody.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Lifeguard Insanity VII
Just when you thought you were safe from these kinds of posts...
Due to extreme boredom at work, I have again resorted to writing love songs. How I manage this I have no idea. This one was written for the combined efforts of a guy and a gal, but I feel like I'm missing some lines. I also wrote the girl's part too high for me to sing and the boy's part too low. How I could do that while I was singing this whole thing to myself I'll never know. Anywhere I type -------, that is a place where I think I need more lines, but I currently do not have them.
_________________________
There Isn't a Doubt
Gal: ---------------
---------------------
But now I'mwith you
And there isn't a doubt in my mind
That any place better than the here and now
Would be impossible to find
Guy: --------------
---------------------
And now I'm with you
And there isn't a doubt in my heart
That I would never survive
If we were ever to part
Gal: And there isn't a doubt in my soul
Guy:....................................................doubt in my soul
Gal: That this is where we should go
Guy: There has never been a path more clear
Than the one I see right now,
Right here
Both: Together forever with you
No matter what we must go through
Gal: We have a bond; no one can break it
Guy: Nothing can make us deny it
Gal: I know that we can make it
Guy: If there's an obstacle, we'll defy it
Both: There isn't a doubt about it
There isn't a doubt anywhere
----------------------------
-----------------------------
-------(repeat lots)-------
Together forever with you...
_____________________________
I really need to find out where these things are coming from. I never would have thought I had it in me if not for lifeguarding.
Due to extreme boredom at work, I have again resorted to writing love songs. How I manage this I have no idea. This one was written for the combined efforts of a guy and a gal, but I feel like I'm missing some lines. I also wrote the girl's part too high for me to sing and the boy's part too low. How I could do that while I was singing this whole thing to myself I'll never know. Anywhere I type -------, that is a place where I think I need more lines, but I currently do not have them.
_________________________
There Isn't a Doubt
Gal: ---------------
---------------------
But now I'mwith you
And there isn't a doubt in my mind
That any place better than the here and now
Would be impossible to find
Guy: --------------
---------------------
And now I'm with you
And there isn't a doubt in my heart
That I would never survive
If we were ever to part
Gal: And there isn't a doubt in my soul
Guy:....................................................doubt in my soul
Gal: That this is where we should go
Guy: There has never been a path more clear
Than the one I see right now,
Right here
Both: Together forever with you
No matter what we must go through
Gal: We have a bond; no one can break it
Guy: Nothing can make us deny it
Gal: I know that we can make it
Guy: If there's an obstacle, we'll defy it
Both: There isn't a doubt about it
There isn't a doubt anywhere
----------------------------
-----------------------------
-------(repeat lots)-------
Together forever with you...
_____________________________
I really need to find out where these things are coming from. I never would have thought I had it in me if not for lifeguarding.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Light after Dark
Just to lighten the mood that I kind of set with my last post, here's a little something about what happened tonight (maybe last night, by the time I finish this). I'm so glad I have friends.
The ocelot kept her eyes on the dark waters with a small grin on her lips. Her day had been utterly horrid. Late for teaching younglings how to swim, nine hours patrolling, patrollers failing to come to the river to fulfill their duties, disgusting messes made by the visitors at the river, all had plagued her hours of daylight. But after the sun had set, things started to look up.
By some stroke of luck, several wonderful friends came to the river. The leopard seal had helped clean up the disarray left by the less considerate of the visitors and then had made the ocelot laugh as she settled in for her longest stint of patrolling yet.
Then the kangaroo had appeared. A beaming smile had broken out on the ocelot's face as she chatted with the bubbling visitor.
The next friend to register on the ocelot's radar had been the malamute. After berating him for not responding to repeated messages sent to him, the cat was more than happy to trade several jests with the dog. She also tried to teach him the correct way to slip down the river bank, but he failed miserably.
As the ocelot continued her pacing along the bank, a familiar voice reached her ears. "Blind! Blind!" it shouted. The ocelot turned her head to see the tomcat wading in the shallows. She hadn't seen the other cat for an entire cycle of the moon, so it was quite a pleasant surprise.
The night's patrolling passed much more pleasurably with the frequent sightings of her friends. In a combined effort, they even got her singing happy songs that actually existed, as opposed to her usual inventing of tunes. Before she knew it, the night was drawing to a close.
The dark waters were clearing of visitors and the ocelot idly twitched her tail as she watched the patterns of the liquid. Her eyes were growing wide as though entranced by the dancing reflections of light. Then her mind quickly revived her, reminding her that she had duties to attend to.
She looked back from the bank, trying to find the patroller that she was supposed to be exchanging reports with. But instead of finding her fellow, she saw a black shadow stalking towards her with glowing, malicious eyes. The ocelot hissed in fright and bared her teeth and claws. The shadow stepped into a path of moonlight and the cat's muscles relaxed as she sighed. The malamute looked rather dejected that she had discovered his attempt to chuck her in the water. Chasing him off quickly, she got back to watching the empty water.
I don't feel like writing a satisfying end to this. Anyway, this was actually last week. Now the food (brownies, pretzels, cookies and the like) that the leopard seal's mom left us is gone, so are the many cans of soda, and the water bottles. She is now one of my favorite parental figures outside of my own.
The ocelot kept her eyes on the dark waters with a small grin on her lips. Her day had been utterly horrid. Late for teaching younglings how to swim, nine hours patrolling, patrollers failing to come to the river to fulfill their duties, disgusting messes made by the visitors at the river, all had plagued her hours of daylight. But after the sun had set, things started to look up.
By some stroke of luck, several wonderful friends came to the river. The leopard seal had helped clean up the disarray left by the less considerate of the visitors and then had made the ocelot laugh as she settled in for her longest stint of patrolling yet.
Then the kangaroo had appeared. A beaming smile had broken out on the ocelot's face as she chatted with the bubbling visitor.
The next friend to register on the ocelot's radar had been the malamute. After berating him for not responding to repeated messages sent to him, the cat was more than happy to trade several jests with the dog. She also tried to teach him the correct way to slip down the river bank, but he failed miserably.
As the ocelot continued her pacing along the bank, a familiar voice reached her ears. "Blind! Blind!" it shouted. The ocelot turned her head to see the tomcat wading in the shallows. She hadn't seen the other cat for an entire cycle of the moon, so it was quite a pleasant surprise.
The night's patrolling passed much more pleasurably with the frequent sightings of her friends. In a combined effort, they even got her singing happy songs that actually existed, as opposed to her usual inventing of tunes. Before she knew it, the night was drawing to a close.
The dark waters were clearing of visitors and the ocelot idly twitched her tail as she watched the patterns of the liquid. Her eyes were growing wide as though entranced by the dancing reflections of light. Then her mind quickly revived her, reminding her that she had duties to attend to.
She looked back from the bank, trying to find the patroller that she was supposed to be exchanging reports with. But instead of finding her fellow, she saw a black shadow stalking towards her with glowing, malicious eyes. The ocelot hissed in fright and bared her teeth and claws. The shadow stepped into a path of moonlight and the cat's muscles relaxed as she sighed. The malamute looked rather dejected that she had discovered his attempt to chuck her in the water. Chasing him off quickly, she got back to watching the empty water.
I don't feel like writing a satisfying end to this. Anyway, this was actually last week. Now the food (brownies, pretzels, cookies and the like) that the leopard seal's mom left us is gone, so are the many cans of soda, and the water bottles. She is now one of my favorite parental figures outside of my own.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Lifeguard Insanity VI
Mornings at the Rec Center are amusing, to say the least. While I do have to endure piercing glares from my swim coaches because I'm not at practice, it's fun to laugh at the swim team working their guts out while you sit in your chair. Beyond that, there are the regulars. There is one lady who, before she does her workout, must make sure that all the floating balls on one lane line are evenly spaced. She may go back and forth 2-3 times perfecting the spacing. There is a man, the OCD lady's husband, who will get so hilariously angry if we leave the shallow-end door leading outside open. There's the private boys school that comes to swim and cause laughter to well in my chest. They have a little less than perfect form.
The water aerobics classes are a cut above. The sea cows are constantly finding new ways to make the day interesting, humorous, or a pain in the backside. Lifting up lane lines for arthritis victims, jumping in the water too early and causing the swim team to get irrate and splash just to be contrary, the fact that they must have their ten minutes in the hot tub following their class, all these things just make me laugh. Ooooooooom!
Later on in the morning, around 8:15, we are joined by a group of old men who will stand in a small circle and hop about cracking horribly corny jokes. They always get me to chuckle.
As terrible as it is to go to work at 5:00, I find humor in the work day.
Also, I get to dress up like I'm Irish and have Beehives/Mia Maids call me Máthair during Camp! Woohoo! I'm so excited. This is no "Sham," camp is going to "Rock!"
The water aerobics classes are a cut above. The sea cows are constantly finding new ways to make the day interesting, humorous, or a pain in the backside. Lifting up lane lines for arthritis victims, jumping in the water too early and causing the swim team to get irrate and splash just to be contrary, the fact that they must have their ten minutes in the hot tub following their class, all these things just make me laugh. Ooooooooom!
Later on in the morning, around 8:15, we are joined by a group of old men who will stand in a small circle and hop about cracking horribly corny jokes. They always get me to chuckle.
As terrible as it is to go to work at 5:00, I find humor in the work day.
Also, I get to dress up like I'm Irish and have Beehives/Mia Maids call me Máthair during Camp! Woohoo! I'm so excited. This is no "Sham," camp is going to "Rock!"
Friday, June 24, 2005
First Rescue
That's right! You get two posts from me today. Why? Because I needed to put this up eventually and now is as good as tomorrow. That and I haven't done a creative post for a long time. To explicar, (don't even comment on that, bluebird) patrolling is obviously lifeguarding. We have an "under 9 rule" that says all kids under 9 must be with someone 15+. However, kids can get "duckie passes" if they are 6-8 and prove their swimming capabilities. So, I commence.
Blistering heat battered the ocelot's neck and sweat trickled between her fur follicles. The river patrolling had been particularly draining that day, but in sooth it had only begun. Foolish fishes flopped across the waters carelessly. This only added to the ocelot's poor mood. How she wished she didn't have to watch them from the land! But that was not the current matter.
Reverting her eyes back to the fledgling finch in the river, she held in a sigh. The little thing could hardly keep her head above water. Not that she was in any great danger. There was a sizeable stone jutting out of the water to grip should she truly begin to drown.
The ocelot was rather put out with the mother finch at her side. One of the rules of the patrollers was that particularly small animals must be accompanied in the waters by an animal capable of taking care of them. However, they had exceptions. If young animals should prove themselves able to take care of themselves, the patrollers would let them do so unsupervised. The finch mother thought her fledgling was ready for such a challenge. However, by the looks of it, there was no possibility that the ocelot would let her wander about alone.
Tiny squawks cried out wordlessly. The fledgling was pleading for help. The ocelot's muscles tensed and adrenaline tried to force her into the water. But for a moment, she paused, wondering if the fledgling would notice the rock beside her. But the small bird was too frightened to take any heed of her surroundings. The ocelot plunged into the current.
Swimming to the small ball of feathers was no difficulty, and soon she was beside the bird. The little thing had noticed--just before the ocelot reached her--the stone and was clinging to it desperately. Coaxing her gently, the ocelot placed the orb of damp feathers on her head and swam calmly back to the bank. It could have been far worse, but under no circumstances was such a feeble creature going to be allowed to play in the waters alone.
Pulling her bulk out of the flow, she put the fledgling back on firm ground next to her mother. The ocelot raised her eyes to meet those of the larger finch, saying with her eyes and the placing of her lips what she thought of the young one's swimming capabilities.
"Did she pass?" the mother finch asked pragmatically.
It was going to be a long day for the ocelot.
This happened sometime last week-ish. I don't really know. All the days just sort of mush together.
Blistering heat battered the ocelot's neck and sweat trickled between her fur follicles. The river patrolling had been particularly draining that day, but in sooth it had only begun. Foolish fishes flopped across the waters carelessly. This only added to the ocelot's poor mood. How she wished she didn't have to watch them from the land! But that was not the current matter.
Reverting her eyes back to the fledgling finch in the river, she held in a sigh. The little thing could hardly keep her head above water. Not that she was in any great danger. There was a sizeable stone jutting out of the water to grip should she truly begin to drown.
The ocelot was rather put out with the mother finch at her side. One of the rules of the patrollers was that particularly small animals must be accompanied in the waters by an animal capable of taking care of them. However, they had exceptions. If young animals should prove themselves able to take care of themselves, the patrollers would let them do so unsupervised. The finch mother thought her fledgling was ready for such a challenge. However, by the looks of it, there was no possibility that the ocelot would let her wander about alone.
Tiny squawks cried out wordlessly. The fledgling was pleading for help. The ocelot's muscles tensed and adrenaline tried to force her into the water. But for a moment, she paused, wondering if the fledgling would notice the rock beside her. But the small bird was too frightened to take any heed of her surroundings. The ocelot plunged into the current.
Swimming to the small ball of feathers was no difficulty, and soon she was beside the bird. The little thing had noticed--just before the ocelot reached her--the stone and was clinging to it desperately. Coaxing her gently, the ocelot placed the orb of damp feathers on her head and swam calmly back to the bank. It could have been far worse, but under no circumstances was such a feeble creature going to be allowed to play in the waters alone.
Pulling her bulk out of the flow, she put the fledgling back on firm ground next to her mother. The ocelot raised her eyes to meet those of the larger finch, saying with her eyes and the placing of her lips what she thought of the young one's swimming capabilities.
"Did she pass?" the mother finch asked pragmatically.
It was going to be a long day for the ocelot.
This happened sometime last week-ish. I don't really know. All the days just sort of mush together.
Lifeguard Insanity V
Just to show you how weird us lifeguards are, (yes, I know it should be we lifeguards, but I don't care) I'll tell you how we were spending our time waiting to open today. We were all lined up on our DI couches talking about how funny it would be to rotate the lap pool backwards. The sad part is, we actually found it amusing. Then we thought of ways that we could start in the middle of the rotation, or even do a criss-cross switch back sort of thing. When we ran out of ideas for that, we watched two girls play volleyball/hacky sack with diving sticks. That entertained us for up to ten minutes. It was really funny though.
Anyway, nothing interesting at work today, just a large amount of messes for guards that weren't me to clean up (the leopard seal had to clean several up, but it's his own gosh darn fault for breaking his arm and getting himself on the cleaning crew for the entire month). No one drowned while I was there, which is good. But people are starting to notice that they always have me guarding the kiddie pool now. Even when I take other people's shifts I somehow end up with C pool. It's definitely a conspiracy to truly rob me of my sanity.
Anyway, nothing interesting at work today, just a large amount of messes for guards that weren't me to clean up (the leopard seal had to clean several up, but it's his own gosh darn fault for breaking his arm and getting himself on the cleaning crew for the entire month). No one drowned while I was there, which is good. But people are starting to notice that they always have me guarding the kiddie pool now. Even when I take other people's shifts I somehow end up with C pool. It's definitely a conspiracy to truly rob me of my sanity.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Lifeguard Insanity IV
Today, I sang to myself nearly the entire time. Since I was on top of the slide tower alone a lot, I started to sing about the things I saw, and Timp was swathed in misty clouds. Utterly stunning, to be sure. What resulted is this thingamajig. I'll probably be working out the notes on the piano tonight.
The mountain on the horizon
Marks the end of all that I know
Yet it beckons and cries
And begs to be climbed
But I don't know where to go
I think I'll try to write other verses soon. The melody that it goes to is kind of cool, if I do say so myself.
The sky was gorgeous today. I love storm clouds and all, but that wasn't even it. When the sun started coming out while the rain was at its worst, two astoundingly bright rainbows appeared. It's a good thing no one was in the pool I was guarding, because I was rather preoccupied. Then, as the storm continued to fade away into the east, a clump of cloud patches covered the sun. Yet, because of the breaks in the cover, visible rays of sunlight trickled down into the sky, lightening the horizon. But this was not the end. Did any of you see the sunset? The clouds were alight with brilliantly colored flame. An elegant stroke of heavens paintbrush along the lingering clouds. Too bad my mom had stolen the camera and left.
Now that I'm done rambling about the heavens, here's a funny story from lifeguarding. Maybe not as funny now that it's after the fact, but it was the highlight of my day beyond the sky. I was guarding the slide pool, as you may have guessed, and there was a birthday party there. A few of the invitees were too scared to go down the straight slide. Such is the way it always is. If the lifeguards are bored enough (we were) then we try to coax these reluctant people to go down the slide. Well, there was one guard who though it would be extremely amusing to tell one of the reluctants that if she went down the slide, the one guy who was guarding on our pool would kiss her. Already amusing, right? But what's more, after twenty minutes of contemplaiting it, she went down the slide. And she expected what she was promised. The guy found out about this promise after she had gone down the slide. Nothing really happened, 'cause he was still working. However, after we closed, everyone was still clearing out and another guy from a different pool came and asked the guy on our pool (for clarity, Guy #1) if he wanted to kiss the girl. Guy #1 answered no, because he didn't, and the girl was the same age as his younger sister, and knew his younger sister. Besides that he just didn't want to. Nevertheless, Guy #2 got this devilish grin on his face and went and got the girl. Awkwardness continued. Using the excuse of puttin ghis tube away, Guy #1 went off t0 the shed with the girl following him. I almost believe his account of what came after, but I really don't quite think I do. He says that he gave her a little hug, a little kiss, said sorry, and tried to go on his way. She asked if he wanted her number, and he said something to the effect of, "No, I'm fine." We had a joyous time teasing him about it while cleaning the locker rooms. Sadly, that was the most interesting thing that happened at work today. One guy told Guy #1 that he should have kissed her out in the open so we could all laugh forever about it. He said, "You'd be known forever at the pool." Then Guy #2 said, "You'd be a legend." The other guy continued to say, jokingly, "Hey, you could've been lifeguard of the week." That just topped off my night.
EDIT - Due to compications with comments, no comments will be allowed on this post. Lo siento. R.U. Serious, please do not comment again.
The mountain on the horizon
Marks the end of all that I know
Yet it beckons and cries
And begs to be climbed
But I don't know where to go
I think I'll try to write other verses soon. The melody that it goes to is kind of cool, if I do say so myself.
The sky was gorgeous today. I love storm clouds and all, but that wasn't even it. When the sun started coming out while the rain was at its worst, two astoundingly bright rainbows appeared. It's a good thing no one was in the pool I was guarding, because I was rather preoccupied. Then, as the storm continued to fade away into the east, a clump of cloud patches covered the sun. Yet, because of the breaks in the cover, visible rays of sunlight trickled down into the sky, lightening the horizon. But this was not the end. Did any of you see the sunset? The clouds were alight with brilliantly colored flame. An elegant stroke of heavens paintbrush along the lingering clouds. Too bad my mom had stolen the camera and left.
Now that I'm done rambling about the heavens, here's a funny story from lifeguarding. Maybe not as funny now that it's after the fact, but it was the highlight of my day beyond the sky. I was guarding the slide pool, as you may have guessed, and there was a birthday party there. A few of the invitees were too scared to go down the straight slide. Such is the way it always is. If the lifeguards are bored enough (we were) then we try to coax these reluctant people to go down the slide. Well, there was one guard who though it would be extremely amusing to tell one of the reluctants that if she went down the slide, the one guy who was guarding on our pool would kiss her. Already amusing, right? But what's more, after twenty minutes of contemplaiting it, she went down the slide. And she expected what she was promised. The guy found out about this promise after she had gone down the slide. Nothing really happened, 'cause he was still working. However, after we closed, everyone was still clearing out and another guy from a different pool came and asked the guy on our pool (for clarity, Guy #1) if he wanted to kiss the girl. Guy #1 answered no, because he didn't, and the girl was the same age as his younger sister, and knew his younger sister. Besides that he just didn't want to. Nevertheless, Guy #2 got this devilish grin on his face and went and got the girl. Awkwardness continued. Using the excuse of puttin ghis tube away, Guy #1 went off t0 the shed with the girl following him. I almost believe his account of what came after, but I really don't quite think I do. He says that he gave her a little hug, a little kiss, said sorry, and tried to go on his way. She asked if he wanted her number, and he said something to the effect of, "No, I'm fine." We had a joyous time teasing him about it while cleaning the locker rooms. Sadly, that was the most interesting thing that happened at work today. One guy told Guy #1 that he should have kissed her out in the open so we could all laugh forever about it. He said, "You'd be known forever at the pool." Then Guy #2 said, "You'd be a legend." The other guy continued to say, jokingly, "Hey, you could've been lifeguard of the week." That just topped off my night.
EDIT - Due to compications with comments, no comments will be allowed on this post. Lo siento. R.U. Serious, please do not comment again.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Flutterbying
So today I subbed for one of the Rec Swim coaches. Some of the kids are our age, but I neglected to tell them I was three years younger than their other coach. It was the second day of butterfly week and let me tell you, it was a funny, funny thing to see. The sad part is, I started out worse than they are right now. I think I scared the second group though. I started dancing around and singing Jekyll & Hyde out of boredom. Yeah, they kinda looked at me oddly after that.
I LOVE LIGHTNING!!! And not just because it got me out of lifeguarding early. It was awesome to get paid to watch a lightning display. And then it started raining! I love the rain! La la la la. I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain. What a wonderful feeling I'm happy again! Well, I was happy before, but it just cheered me all the more.
Then, even after the joy of watching floundering swimmers, a lightning show, and dancing in the rain, I got to go do baptisms for the dead. It was so nice and peaceful. All my worries just floated away and my current shoulder pains were nonexistent. I love the temple. Bluebird, we should go to the one down yonder and take pictures. I figure we've done two other ones, why not a third? We should get pictures of as many as well can. We could make a temple collage.
I LOVE LIGHTNING!!! And not just because it got me out of lifeguarding early. It was awesome to get paid to watch a lightning display. And then it started raining! I love the rain! La la la la. I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain. What a wonderful feeling I'm happy again! Well, I was happy before, but it just cheered me all the more.
Then, even after the joy of watching floundering swimmers, a lightning show, and dancing in the rain, I got to go do baptisms for the dead. It was so nice and peaceful. All my worries just floated away and my current shoulder pains were nonexistent. I love the temple. Bluebird, we should go to the one down yonder and take pictures. I figure we've done two other ones, why not a third? We should get pictures of as many as well can. We could make a temple collage.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Lifeguard Insanity III
Two new characters have sprouted from the fertile soil of a bored mind during the past few days out in the sun. Four others are half-formed, not yet ready to face the glaring eyes of the public. For now, I introduce you to Sulinarë, who's vessel is the Sun, and Montohl, who's vessel is the Moon. One is born of Time and the other of Nature, but none save perhaps the mothers can remember who was born of who. Montohl tends to be moody and speculative, slightly erratic, but all in his own cycle. Sulinarë is constant, ever reliable and often turned to. Hmmm, I'm seeing connections to certain real world people here, but I'm not going to go into that. And don't worry, if I mean you, you'll probably know soon enough.
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