Lifeguard Insanity VIII

Some of you may remember the Roasted Toad post. Some of you may not. Either way I just realized that it doesn't matter.

Anyway, today at work the toad was on my pool. He was in one of his tolerable moods, so I was able to torment him for a while to entertain myself. However, later on in the night, his mere presence aroused such humor that I could barely contain my amusement. Come to think of it, I didn't.

So, it was the last fifteen minutes of general public hours and both of us were roving around the current channel in the slide pool. He had been in the water and the wind was blowing so he had one of our lifeguard jackets on. I was too wimpy to get in the water, but I'm a head guard so I can erase the necessity to get in the water. Back on track, several young (when I say young, I mean young) girls were going around the channel and called the toad a sissy. I had to agree. So did he. So the little girls teasing him on that account only lasted a short while. They sure were loud about it though. Ah well, on with the tale. Shortly thereafter, they went on a crusade to discover his name. Both of us being greatly entertained, we told them things like Scott, Matt, and (shamefully) Fredrika. The last one gave away the fact that we weren't telling the truth. After they were told that it started with a J we fed them names like Jeremiah, Jared, Jason, and Jack. The girls were muy confused and so proceeded to ranting about us being liars. "You LIED to us! I can't believe it! You LIARS!" It was quite entertaining. Then they asked if he was my boyfriend. I had to get him to watch my water because I was laughing so hard. I couldn't stand for my laughter. Then I told him what I was laughing about and I had to watch his water so he could laugh it off as well.

After we closed and the gals on my pool were in the locker rooms trying to scare all the ladies out, we overheard the girls dicussing that they thought the toad was very cute. You must realize that some of these girls were like eight. Once we shooed them out of the facility, we guarded a party. Nothing cool happened in that party. Then we guarded another one. Here's where it gets funnier (okay, so maybe this isn't all that entertaining to you folks, but to bored lifeguards, this is what we die for!).

Near the end no one was in our pool except for the folks going down the slides. Then two girls decided to go around the channel after riding. Me and another of the gal guards overheard them talking. The toad had been at the top of the slide. I now quote their words:

"Did you hear how he told me to go? He used a sexy voice!"
"He's so hot!"
Insert fits of girly giggles.

Now, these girls couldn't have been older than nine, if that. Like, I think that's stretching it. It's a good thing I was already sitting down, because otherwise I probably would have split my head open during my full-body laughter.

When we were once again cleaning the locker rooms, we told the toad of the latest infatuation he had caused and awarded him the "Most Attractive to Females Under the Age of Nine" award. And that was probably the highlight of my week, right there. Hilarious I tell you!